Relationship problems after having a baby? Overcome them now

Are you too experiencing relationship problems after having a baby?  
Know how to overcome them.


Relationship problems after having a baby


Are you also experiencing marital disconnect or relationship problems after having a baby? 

You are not alone. For every parent, it is a moment of sheer bliss to see their baby for the first time and feel so excited to bring this bundle of joy to your home. 

I have no shame in accepting the fact that I was getting too irritable, upset, and felt helpless in the first year of raising my baby. I never thought that my husband and I could argue at top of our voices for no big reason. 

It was nothing less than having "boxing matches with husband" and both of us in the ring eager to knock each other down. 

Came to know later in life that feeling this hopeless and frustrated could be because of baby blues, hormonal changes, sleeplessness, less or no time with partner, isolation, or taking care of a little too demanding human who still not able to show any love in return.   

 

Maintaining a relationship with my partner post-baby was daunting and I guess most of the couples might have felt the same way.  

We generally assume that we all going to be extremely caring for the baby and also considerate towards our partner, but the transformation from a couple to a family changes a lot of equations

At some point in the past, because we as a couple were  unsatisfied in our marriage, we considered going separate ways and accepting that we were almost near to a marital breakdown. 

Well, all I learned is "if you don’t act on making your relationship better with your spouse then eventually it may cause a rift between you two".

 

Lets me walk you through common problems faced by new parents which often lead to relation or marital breakdowns after the arrival of baby.

 


1. Too much pressure on one can be frustrating:

Taking care of a newborn is not that easy. If a parent does all the stuff alone from taking care of the baby to doing all endless home chores, then it is obvious that the parent would feel exhausted and overwhelmed. 

Staying at home, no time to socialize, resume a job, go out like before, and not getting enough time to relax, may make this person irritable. 

It also can give you an impression that your other half is not being considerate enough and not doing their share of work or helping with household duties or baby.


How to overcome this?

It is always better to speak to your partner well before the baby arrives about the roles and responsibilities for each one of you. So that it doesn’t lead to any confusion later that who will do what. 

It is like I will do the dishes you do the laundry. If you convey it to the other person that with the baby it gets difficult to manage everything on your own. 

 Also, don’t be unrealistic with the type of task you give your husband to accomplish.

 


2. Lack of sleep:

Sleep deprivation can make you feel frustrated and tired. It is one of the biggest factors leading to "couple fights". With a newborn at a home often it is really difficult to get some shut eyes for more than an hour or two. 

Some babies sleep without waking up a lot at the night those couples are actually lucky I would say. 

If your baby is fussy most of the time and sleeps less definitely it is going to affect you and your behavior.


How to overcome this?

It is essential as a parent to take good care of yourself first. Ask your partner to take care of the baby for some time. Go out for a walk with the baby to have some fresh air while you can take some needed nap. 

Let your body be free for a while from carrying and cuddling the baby and take some rest at the same time baby will also learn to be comforted by other people around.

 


3. Lack of communication:

Because dads go to the office then come home tired after a long day, mums too feel overwhelmed by parenting baby throughout the day, that is the reason why both as a couple get much less time to talk their heart out to their partners. 

Or sometimes there is a lot of things going on in your mind which you want to say but because both of you are tired, you think to skip it. 

Both can feel a little bit lost in the journey at some time in the first year because usually there is scarce time, energy, and patience level.


How to overcome this?

Prioritizing time together is the key. A pile of work for each during the first year could separate you for much of the day whether you are out for work or at home busy doing daily home chores. 

Therefore, it is best if you can make some time for each other even if you both don’t have much to speak about what you did the whole day. 

Try to organize your schedule and speak to each other frequently. Ask if anything is bothering your partner? 

If you speak to each other frequently on daily basis, the gap or vacuum created between you two could lessen a lot. 

Remember to listen carefully to your partner and don’t blame or criticize at any point.

 


4. No more romance or intimacy:

The couple time is basically family time now. As a couple we used to do a lot of cuddling, kissing, watching t.v, going out for dinners but now we love cuddling and kissing the baby all the time. 

The romance and intimacy is almost non-existent. Having a disconnect with your husband is not uncommon after having a baby. It seems all the love hormones which used to get activated when the partner is around have vanished.


How to overcome this?

It is true that physical intimacy is important to feel connected to your spouse. 

Use the time when your little one is off to sleep. Schedule date nights that might not require you always stepping out of home, just light a few candles and place nice flowers and order some nice food from outside. This way you can show your love and make the other person feel special. 

If you want to go out call a babysitter for few hours. It is important to establish the baby’s routine so that you guys can often spend some time together.

 


5. Baby becomes the priority:

Initially, it was just two of you in love, spending time, talking your heart out to each other, relaxing, and socializing together, but now with the baby managing to do all these is daunting. Isn’t it?  The partner feels sidelined?  

Also, some women may feel like they disappeared, and the complete focus is only the baby. Yes, it is true for some mums to feel this way that they are not what they used to be and everyone’s topic of discussion revolves around the baby.


How to overcome this?

Feeling sidelined by your partner or sometimes by family and relatives can be heartbreaking but it’s just a phase in your new life and this baby is not going to be little forever. 

It is important for you & your partner to know that this little human needs more love and care from both of you and all other family members. 

You both need to accept that you guys are going to the next level of life then things will be much easier, and you will soon get sail through.


 

6. Financial hurdles: 

Adjusting life on reduced income or on an income of a single person could be difficult for few couples.

Some mums leave their jobs for a time being One parent might like to save money whereas another wants to spend more on the child from limited income which could lead to fights too. 

Refrain from buying a lot of stuff altogether for the baby. Hold your temptations, you might realize that a lot of things you ended up buying were not needed at all.


How to overcome this?

It is always better to plan your finances well before you think of having a child. Pregnancies can also bring a lot of surprises, so you can start cutting back on your spending. 

Have emergency savings which is basically a fund you gather for the rainy day. There are endless things you can get for the baby but don’t get tempted. Spend your hard-earned money on the things you can’t do without.

You can also consider getting things like a crib, car seat stroller/buggy, bounce, a baby carrier from your friends or relatives.



7. Parenting style clashes:

Having different ideas or opinions on parenting can cause conflicts too. It is better to accept parenting differences. 

Both of you may not agree with the same ways of parenting. We as adults are influenced by the parenting styles we have seen at home in our childhood. Also, you may have your own ideas of parenting too.

 

How to overcome this?

Parenting styles can also be a topic of conflict between the parents. 

It always helps to know each other’s point of view and then try to come to the conclusion which is mutually agreed upon. 

Acknowledging different ways or technics of raising your child by your partner solves most of the problem.


 

8. Interference of other family members:

It can be frustrating for many new mums if their mothers-in-law or any other family member oversteps mum’s space, give their unsolicited advice. 

It can be frustrating at times if someone keep telling you or showing you that you are not doing things right or you need to listen to them because they are experts. 

They may want to help you with the baby even before you are ready.


How to overcome this?

If someone likes to help you with a newborn, appreciate them for it. But it is equally important for others to understand that as a new mum you are figuring out a lot of things about caring for the baby. And when you are ready you will definitely ask for their help and support. 

You and your baby need more time together in order to bond well with each other. Not everyone has a friendly and comfortable relationship with their in-laws, so a lot of times you may just freak out by their presence or long & frequent visits to your home. 

Let your husband know if you don’t like certain things so he can convey it to your in-laws and other family members.



9. Quarrels about which visitor to entertain:

Everyone likes to show up and meet the baby and ask if both mum and baby are healthy or not. 

But sometimes parents just don't want to entertain a few unwanted show-ups just after birth because they are busy adjusting to their new life with this little human and need their time to care for the baby. 

Some parents also believe that the initial few weeks are crucial and the baby might catch infections from others therefore like to distance themselves from everyone for the safety of the baby. But often they can't say no to a few very close friends and family. 

The main quarrel is about whom to entertain and whom not to which becomes the reason for quarrel amongst parents. 


How to overcome this?

Set clear limits for visitors before the baby arrives to avoid any confusion later on. 

After childbirth, the mother especially doesn't feel fine to entertain visitors because she too is heeling from postpartum pain and trying to bond with the baby at this time. 

If someone is pushy, you can always say no upfront. Saying no can be difficult but not impossible. And the last thing is to stick to whatever rules you both have set.

Its never too late, let the other person know that you really care for them & eager to revive the relationship. 

 

In case if you still feel a lot disconnected and unsatisfied in the relationship even after taking all the steps you require to make it better, please consider relationship/ marriage counselling.  


Thank you for your time. 


Also read:

Tips for traveling with baby or toddler

30 fun things to do with kids at home

Being a Mother- Expectations Vs Reality

                                                         

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